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Your Thoughts & Constructive Criticism On My Prologue?

What was more expensive than coffee?
I lifted the silver mug immediately off the desk. I could feel my eyes search for something to clean up the spilled mess, although the smell of coffee beans was the illusionary making me about it. I seemed to slow down, and I did about saving the documents I just wrecked.
My muscles became less tense as I fell to a seat on the window ledge. My green skirt bounced above my knees and I folded my leg over the other.
“There’s nothing that I have here on them, nothing,” I spoke, beginning to feel the roll off my forehead like rain.
On a regular day, it reached 95 degrees, but today, if the increased by two more degrees, I swear I would shave myself bald. I was sweating in my formal uniform, which I was told to always wear. It was a black corset covering my . I wore long, tight, boots 10 inches above my ankles, but that was my choice. I could run in them and my father seemed to approve. He sided with me, at least. The government itself was a bit different.
Gleaming out the window, I spiraled into a lost state. The outside looked so dull in its distinctive desert look. The exterior of the ground was like orange rusted rock, and the sky reflected it. We homely called the place Planet Tarra. It made everything in contact with it look old. The weather takes a beating on glass and anything wood. Dust was embedded into every window of every building. It was so bad that it could not be wiped off, much like skin sediments stuck to a piece of tape. Wood can crack in the mist of heat, and it’s not so uncommon for a fire to start out like this.
On our side of the planet, the Hemisphere, water is a fantasy. Plant life is shyly embraced by any part of the land. We’d love to see it the other way. The Western hemisphere is laid out with grass coupled by a dense forest, which brings me back to coffee. Coffee is largely represented by the West of Planet Tarra. None of it grows here, but we obviously love it if we would agree that we trade with it. I was certain that this was impossible, but it happens. Every week, a few heavily guarded people enter the threshold of our side and give us what we ask for, coffee beans and some extent of water. They still were not trusted by me, though. Not by many of our kind. They faced the same mind boggling threat of ‘trust’ when they trespassed like that. If they thought we were stupid and could not remember a past trouble, we all had. At least for me it stuck out.
They probably felt secure and safe guarded by their forest. What lied behind it? How important or rare? I jumped out of my trance. My angers came undone, and the ears perched atop my skull twitched. The lucid sound of water hitting paper seeped into my mind. I turned my head to the old fashioned writing desk, and caught between a half drawer was a wrinkled paper. I stumbled my way over to it. It was a map, something I missed in piles of documents. With shaking hands, I looked over it. I at once saw the symbol for a capital building. My dark grey tail swiftly moved in both directions.
“I wonder if any innocent citizen there has ever seen a demon.”
Thanks in advance! :) I appreciate you helping improve my writing!

1 Comment

  • Mar 28th 201006:03
    by >D

    What was more expensive than coffee?
    I lifted the silver mug immediately off the desk. I could feel my eyes search for something to clean up the spilled mess, although the smell of coffee beans was the illusionary making me forget about it. I seemed to slow down, and I did forget about saving the documents I just wrecked.
    My muscles became less tense as I fell to a seat on the window ledge. My ruffled green skirt bounced above my knees and I folded my leg over the other.
    “There’s nothing that I have here on them, nothing,” I spoke, beginning to feel the roll off my forehead like rain.
    On a regular day, it reached 95 degrees, but today, if the temperature increased by two more degrees, I swear I would shave myself bald. I was sweating in my formal uniform, which I was told to always wear. It was a black corset covering my dress. I wore long, tight, boots 10 inches above my ankles, but that was my choice. I could run in them and my father seemed to approve. He sided with me, at least. The government itself was a bit different.
    Gleaming out the window, I spiraled into a lost state. The outside looked so dull in its distinctive desert look. The exterior of the ground was like orange rusted rock, and the sky reflected it. We homely called the place Planet Tarra. It made everything in contact with it look old. The weather takes a beating on glass and anything wood. Dust was embedded into every window of every building. It was so bad that it could not be wiped off, much like skin sediments stuck to a piece of tape. Wood can crack in the mist of heat, and it’s not so uncommon for a fire to start out like this.
    On our side of the planet, the Eastern Hemisphere, water is a fantasy. Plant life is shyly embraced by any part of the land. We’d love to see it the other way. The Western hemisphere is laid out with grass coupled by a dense forest, which brings me back to coffee. Coffee is largely represented by the West of Planet Tarra. None of it grows here, but we obviously love it if we would agree that we trade with it. I was certain that this was impossible, but it happens. Every week, a few heavily guarded people enter the threshold of our side and give us what we ask for, coffee beans and some extent of water. They still were not trusted by me, though. Not by many of our kind. They faced the same mind boggling threat of ‘trust’ when they trespassed like that. If they thought we were stupid and could not remember a past trouble, we all had. At least for me it stuck out.
    They probably felt secure and safe guarded by their forest. What lied behind it? How important or rare? I jumped out of my trance. My angers came undone, and the ears perched atop my skull twitched. The lucid sound of water drops hitting paper seeped into my mind. I turned my head to the old fashioned writing desk, and caught between a half drawer was a wrinkled paper. I stumbled my way over to it. It was a map, something I missed in piles of documents. With shaking hands, I looked over it. I at once saw the symbol for a capital building. My dark grey tail swiftly moved in both directions.
    “I wonder if any innocent citizen there has ever seen a demon.”
    Thanks in advance! :) I appreciate you helping improve my writing!

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