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I missed her so much, Mom. She told me she was coming. She always said she was coming but she never came. I’d talk to her on the phone, tell her how much I missed her, tell her how much I wanted to hug her, tell her how much I loved her. Her voice would tremble and she would say she loved me to.
The next phone call would come and I would talk to her; I would tell her how much I loved her, how much I wanted to hear her voice telling me a story before I went to bed. Although I was 19, I wanted someone to hold me in his arms and speak the words of Alice in wonderland into my ears.
She gave another phone call yesterday. Her voice was trembling but this time it was weak; it was so shrill, so heavy like all the troubles of the world were laden upon her cords.
I felt like a stone falling in my chest. I Felt so heavy that I fell at a chair behind me and pressed the handle against my ear
“I’m coming tomorrow,” She said.
“I smiled to myself and said, “I’m waiting for you, Mom,”
However, I knew she‘d not come. I could feel it. I could feel that something would stop her from seeing me, especially this time. I do not know why I felt this way but deep inside of me, I knew something was going to go wrong.
I woke up next morning, and after having breakfast, I sat down to watch TV with Ghada. I rested my head upon her shoulder as we watched spacetoon and then we went to the kitchen cleaned some dishes. And as we were cleaning, my heart sank as I thought of Mom.
At any moment the bell would ring, she would walk in and then I do not know what will happen. It would be at any moment this day.
We spent the evening eating pop corn and watching the new movie Ayman brought form his friend on a CD. It was called unfaithful. What I liked about the movie was the music. It was so soft, like a feather floating over the ocean in midwinter waiting for someone to hold it, keep it warm
Night had fallen and I went into bed. Mom was not coming she would never come. She had lied to me once again and she would always keep on lying to me. Until when you would allow people stab you at the back. They all lie to you, even the one you cared for the most, your mom, she does not want to see me, and she says she’ll come just to keep me silent, to keep me satisfied for a moment
I slept and I dreamt of myself falling from a tower. Mom appeared at the pavement she was so tall, so huge, with blue wings. She flew and caught me in midair. She hugged me and kissed me on the head, she said, “I’m here,”
I hid my face between her breasts. I wish to kiss her once again, just once
Midnight; the bell rang, my eyes went open all of a sudden and I jumped out of bed. I placed my hand at the doorknob and listened. There was nothing the main door creaked open but there wasn’t the bustle that would usually come when someone like mom would come into the house My hands froze over the knob and slowly, my door flung open as if not by me.
I walked out of the room and in the middle of the hallway I found Ayman walking forward. I rubbed my eyes and watched if there was anyone behind him, may be he was bringing Mom from the airport. He was alone.
His mother closed the door and Ayman raised his head from the ground; his brown eyes were teary, I knew what happened
I placed a hand at his shoulder “what’s wrong? why you are so late? “
“I’m sorry” he said, “She’s dead”
I closed my eyes. I knew she was dead since yesterday.
I was not shocked for it did not matter if she was dead or not.
All I could do now is walk into the bathroom, sit at the edge of the basin, dip my face between my legs and suppress the tears.